


How it Ended (according to the people on my tumblr dash who don't actually watch Supernatural)

by CaffeinaShips



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, a retelling of the confession, and of episode 5.19 and 5.18, just so much homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffeinaShips/pseuds/CaffeinaShips
Summary: What if supernatural ended the way all the memes on my tumblr dash suggested it did? What if all the people who either don't watch the show or stopped watching it after season 6 got it right? What if people who had no idea what was going on but felt like they knew enough to make a ton of memes had actually nailed it? Here it is. The worst alternate ending.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 18
Kudos: 33
Collections: SPNColdestHits, The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection





	How it Ended (according to the people on my tumblr dash who don't actually watch Supernatural)

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I own it. I'm bitter about some very specific terrible memes I've seen come out of people who it turns out are anti-fans. Maybe you'll recognize what I'm talking about, maybe you won't. If you do, I hope you find this funny. If you don't know what I'm talking about I'm sorry. I bet without the context this story is pretty shitty to read. I want to make it clear that I'm not making fun of any type of fan of the show. I'm making fun of people who HATE the show but assume they know what's going on from a few limited screen shots. 
> 
> I made it teen because while I don't think gay content makes something unfit for children, I sure as fuck think homophobia is unfit for kids.

Things were looking bad, fellas! Billie was there for some reason, and conflicts about the end of the world were definitely happening! It was a Big Moment in the progression of the end times. Dean and Cas were alone together in a room for no contextual reasons because nothing that had happened in the show in the last 11 years needed to be seen to understand this moment at all. 

For no reason that anyone needed to understand Cas chose this moment to confess his love.

“Dean, I thought happiness was a moment in time, or some shit. It turns out happiness is living your truth. I love you.” 

Cas was crying. Dean stared at Cas, and desperately tried to repress the angry hateful homophobia that was clearly and obviously bubbling up behind his somehow also overly blank face. 

“Move, I’m GAY!”, Cas declared, and shoved Dean to the ground. 

Cas smiled through his pained, tear streaked expression. A black ooze that one doesn’t need to be able to identify or know anything about surrounded Cas and took him to something called “The Empty”, whatever the fuck that might be. Clearly it’s some kind of terrible extra forever extra burning super Hell that is ultra bad, and totally terrible, obviously. Because it is the show that is homophobic here. Definitely the show. The show thinks Cas’s gay confession is bad. That’s why without any context at all you can automatically assume that wherever Cas has gone it has to be an ultra painful punishment for his gay crimes. 

Dean, horrified that he would have to live forever with the knowledge that he hadn’t hate crimed Cas while he had the chance, sank to the floor with his head in his hands. His phone rang and he glanced at it. Sam calling. He couldn’t bear to answer the phone and tell Sam that he was in such close proximity to such icky gay. Thus Dean doesn’t learn that the entire world is disappearing as a result of his own horrible shame.

“Dean?”

Dean looked up. The emotional intensity of Cas’s gross confession shook all of space and time and somehow resurrected both of Dean’s parents. He stared at them, stunned. 

“Dean… are you.. Are you gay?”

His mother’s face regarded him with concern.

“No, no, of course not! I love women. I’ve only ever loved women! I love, uh, boobies.”

“That’s not what I saw” his dad sneered at him. “It looks to me like you have a boyfriend.”

His parents sneered and called him slurs for several minutes, before the shame of their disgust for him caused them to de-materialize and disappear forever. 

Filled with disgust for himself Dean took 10 showers and then went to find Sammy. Dean soon learned the entire world was empty. All the people had been taken as a result of Dean and Cas’s ultra sin. 

Still shaken by his brush with terrible gayness Dean stumbled upon a lost dog, all alone. Dean was cheered by the sight of the most manly of pets, a dog, and quickly adopted it. He named it after a sports bar he went to once in Jersey. Miracle. He put the dog in his car, much cheered by the sight of it. Before his eyes Miracle evaporated and disappeared. Dean, broken-hearted once more looked up to see God across the field. God was not done punishing him for his brush with gayness. Because as everyone knows gays can’t adopt even a dog. Also the dog was gay too, and had to go to super ultra dog gay hell to also probably burn or something.

Disheartened Dean joined his brother Sam, who had a real, genuine loss of the hetero kind. Together they surveyed the totally empty world and finally free of distractions realized that the only love they needed in the world was the love of two brothers. Together and alone. Without the distractions of other potential loves. Finally they could have the world they were always meant to have. A world totally empty of context, growth, or character development. The end.

**Author's Note:**

> As always this story was for spncoldesthits. Find them on tumblr, discord, and elsewhere. They have the best writing challenges. This month's challenge was to End It.
> 
> EDIT: I can't believe the writers saw the last couple sentences and thought it was a good suggestion. Can't believe I accidentally read their minds.


End file.
